Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Choosing what references to give

Keep the resume updated.

If the resume was made a year ago, make sure to review it before it is sent on. If you have not talked to a particular reference for a long time, decide if you wish to keep that reference on or change it for someone else.

Make sure you know what the reference will say about your single, or you. If you have to ask a friend to call the reference and ask about you (or your single), to find out what is said, then do it!

Please everyone, when you give a name for references speak to that person and make sure they will give references for you. There are plenty of cases when a parent will call and hear the reference say: "I can't imagine why my name was given I really do not know ... ." This is not a positive answer!

Choose some references that know your family, even if they do not know your single so well because s/he was away in yeshiva, seminary, shlichus etc. Then give adult references that know your single, maybe a shlucha/shliach they worked for, or a mashpia etc. Then give friends of your single. Have your single call his/her friends and make sure they will give the right kind of info about her.

Do not panic if no one calls your references. Maybe the person found out all they wished to know from other sources. On the other hand do not consider your references as a minor part of the shidduch process. Give enough thought to who you are giving and who would be your best advocate.