Friday, March 19, 2010

What is wrong with singles events

Sorry for the long hiatus.Too many balls to juggle, I dropped a few:).

Conversations and articles have been cropping up in our own Chabad circles, and in other frum venues as well, on the subject of singles events. Why not put a bunch of singles together and let nature take its course.

Problem one is supervision. Will the frum organizers of these events screen each participant first to make sure they are what they represent themselves to be? At the level they are organizing the event for? Will all participants attend with the intention of earnestly trying to find a possible match, or will some just go to have a "good time" so that the person they connect to gets their hopes up for something permanent when no such thing is offered?

What about health issues? What if both families are carriers of genetic diseases and if Dor Yesharim results were checked they would not be compatible? Now that the couple has met, started a rapport, feel connected, they are told, so sorry wasted your time, you cannot be a match?! What if one side has severe issues in the family that the other side would not accept under normal circumstances? And I mean severe issues such as mental illness,abusive or controlling behavior etc. These things are usually researched by the parents or mashpiim before the couple meets, but here we go "mit die kop arop" we put the horse before the cart and let couples meet without any background checks.

Why do people think single events are the best thing since the invention of the wheel? Meeting someone and jumping into a relationship right away takes away the objectivity from that person. Now they are in a very emotional state. They cannot think clearly about the others' defects or even their qualities because they are wearing rose colored glasses, and they are blinded by their “love” which may be infatuation or whatever you may call it, but it is not true love. Take a peek at

Two more points I can think of, but will discuss them next time.


Anonymous said...

Unfortunately we live in an "instant gratification - generation." Today if you want a cup of tea all you do is boil the kettle; in the past you needed to collect wood to make a fire etc.

As a Bochur "on the market" i do appreciate and understand that a shidduch takes time etc however at times it can be very hard and rather frustrating - things are being done but it appears that there are no peiros.

Perhaps when an individual attends such a event they feel that it will be the quickest way in finding their shidduch; by actively pursuing it something is "being done" as appose to waiting and waiting...

However on a personal level i agree %100 with the points you raised and would rather wait than attend such a event.

Thank you for posting the link - it is a beautiful article!

Anonymous said...

you make some good point to have in mind.
I believe this may be a good way to get your name around, as well for those who are not a 10 in looks might be able to prove their 10 in other aspects. Also from what i understand its not do it your self, rather if you see some one you speak with them and you see you have something in common you tell the married couple there and they will assist you further.
Last but not least, to make it easier for hashem to split your sea.