Friday, November 7, 2008

The point of these articles

Following will be a series of articles which were published in a newspaper. Some of them were translated in Hebrew and published in the Mishpacha Chassidit Magazine. After numerous requests for past copies of the articles I decided to publish them in this format.
I am not putting them all on at the same time, have patience and they will all be published.

Chazal tell us that all beginnings are difficult. Sometimes the hardest part is to actually start the search.. If through these articles I can help you improve your chances to start on the right foot and be successful in this endeavor, it will be well worth the effort. May these pages give you the impetus necessary to reach the beautiful conclusion of the blessing of the Lubavitcher Rebbe: "Mazal Tov! May their home be an everlasting edifice on the foundation of Torah and Mitzvos and their life blessed with happiness in all things."

Even if this is not your first foray into the field it is still a bewildering and perplexing journey especially when the advice you receive is so contradictory that you feel as if you received no advice at all. Besides the fact that every time one starts again if seems all the rules have changed, (or most of them anyway).

It is also important to keep in mind that each child is different, and therefore, our experiences with each one will seem to be uncharted territory.

Your previous know-how may even hinder progress as you try to reenact earlier scenarios. Therefore, let us approach the shidduch for each child as if it is the first time. Any previous experience we have should be used exclusively as a reference.

I am directing myself at parents or others in loco parentis. This does not mean that these articles will not help if you are in the position of having to look for yourself.


Anonymous said...

I am glad that you started it.
One thing that is a big discussion is whether to give shadchanim pictures so that they can give it to prospective shidduchim.

It is very easy today to find pictures online by googling the person's name; their facebook pictures come right up. At least a good clear picture would show the person at his or her best.

The other thing is that I see where some rabbonim have tried to encourage boys to date girls older than them. It is not always the boys who object to this; it is often the girls. The boys and their mothers (you see what side that I am on now) get a bad rap and the girls are the ones saying "no".

Also, people who claim to be eager to get married are often lax about checking out names and getting back to the shadchan. Someone who does shidduchim complained to me about that.

Something that I have also discovered (as a MOB) is that there are 3 classifications of girls: top girls (think Chitrik in Sfas) good girls, and girls who should not tell anyone that they are Lubavitchers. I guess that it is important to know what someone is referring to when they use one of those terms.